


Always Keep Fighting

by wordstothewisereaders



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Keep Figthing, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, SPN - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 05:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12149382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstothewisereaders/pseuds/wordstothewisereaders
Summary: Do you ever feel as if the weight of your entire past has been set upon you? Like every mistake you have ever made is drowning you, and there is no one there to pull you out?





	Always Keep Fighting

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a post from @whatinbenediction on Tumblr and also for @spnhiatuscreation's prompt for week 18 which was Always Keep Fighting.

Pain ripped through Cas' mind as he sat down on his unused bed. It wasn't the physical kind of hurting, though it was just as real and just as crippling. It was more than that. It was something that years of mistakes and letdowns and heartbreak could do to a person. The kind that builds and builds until the wall crumbles. 

Cas never meant to break. If he could have had it his way, he would have kept all of his problems to himself forever. No one but himself and God would ever have to know how bad it was. Why hurt the people you love anyway? 

But the past few days had been rough ones. Stuff that he never wanted to even think about again because it triggered the worst of every betrayal, mess up and mistake he had ever made, leading to whatever was happening to him now, resurfaced that he had buried deeper than anything. It made him feel even worse that his last week was nothing compared to his last couple of years. Funny how the little things can do such damage. It was why he retreated to his room as soon as he hit the bunker door, ignoring the Winchesters' plea for him to come back. 

Cas lay his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes miserably as he let tears slip out one by one until all that he could feel was them streaming down his cheeks. He never noticed how the door cracked open and back closed or how there were soft footsteps getting closer to him. 

A gentle hand clasped his shoulder, squeezing it. Another hand took his own, pulling it away from his eyes so that it could rest on his cheek. He found his head being tilted upwards, though he refused to open his eyes. 

"Hey, look at me." Dean whispered, stroking his thumb across his cheekbone. 

Cas cracked open an eye. He tried not to lose the rest of his composure when he saw Dean staring at him with such sympathy. 

He felt the bed sink down next to him and a warm arm pulling him into Dean's side. 

"Dean, I...it's too much." Cas mumbled, shaking his head wearily. 

"Shh. Just let it out." Dean said quietly. 

Cas struggled to get his arms around Dean in their awkard position, and he found himself being pulled down where they were laying side by side. Before his better judgement could take over, he launched himself into Dean's arms, burying his face in the other man's neck. He felt Dean's arms rubbing at his back, a simple sign that he was there. 

He had never cried like he did then. He had never had the will to let his composure fade for even a moment. It felt freeing in a horrible, gut-wrenching way. So he let everything from the past nine years flood him. He let the drowning feeling consume him until all he could do was melt under it. He let Dean say the soft words that had been his anchor for so long and let everything he had ever felt bad about rush over him.

Cas could feel the energy draining his body as he clutched Dean's shirt. His eyelids were feeling heavier by the moment, and the tears had subsided to tired eyes. All of his anger was gone, leaving him burnt out and weighted, though he thought he felt better with some of the tension gone. 

Dean noticed it all and patted Cas on the back, "Get some rest, buddy. Maybe you'll feel better after a little shut-eye." 

"Don't leave me. Please." Cas pleaded, holding onto the hunter tighter. 

"Promise." 

It was the last word he heard before the exhaustion finally caught up to him. 

***

Warmth woke Castiel up as he shifted between Dean's arms. He was startled before remembering why. Why he was curled into Dean's strong grasp. Why he felt like he hadn't slept in a week. Why he felt like he was drowning.

He burrowed himself closer to Dean, wincing as the hunter stirred. Dean cracked open his green eyes, frowning at Cas' distress. Before the tears could hit the bedspread, Dean was there to wipe them away. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dean asked gently. 

Cas thought for a moment, "Do you ever feel as if the weight of your entire past has been set upon you? Like every mistake you have ever made is drowning you, and there is no one there to pull you out?" 

Dean did something then that he wouldn't admit to for a while; something that would have been harder to do on any ordinary day but had plagued his mind for what seemed to be forever. He bent down and kissed Cas as softly as he could, placing a hand on his cheek.

Cas felt his face burn red as Dean pulled away and found himself staring at the other man's t-shirt rather than his face.

"It's gonna be okay. I know it ain't right now, and me saying it doesn't make it any better. But we're gonna find a way through this alright. I'm not gonna let you fade out now because no one wants you and needs you more than we do...than I do." Dean said. "Look at me. Always keep fighting, Cas." 

Of course, it was not the first or last time that tears were shed by the fallen angel; however, it was the last time he would ever be alone. Because now he had someone there to pick him up - his motivation to keep fighting.


End file.
